InstAnt
by Awkwardauthor
Summary: Bella, Jasper, & Alice are childhood friends. When they were nine, they promised they'd always be best friends. Now in high school, Bella and Jasper are dating. Then life-changing news throws Bella's picture-perfect life off-balance. What will Bella do when she learns of a secret that threatens to break a lifelong friendship with the two people she needs the most?


Hi ya'll! Wow, it has been too long, hasn't it? I miss posting one-shots. Anyway, I have a particular reason for this O/S. For the last few months, I've been working on a senior project (it isn't required to graduate from my high school, but I chose to do one anyway since I wanted to graduate with honors) about how people with rheumatoid arthritis use the internet to cope with their illness. If anyone ever did a senior project, then you know there's a product involved, which is supposed to somehow benefit the community. Because my essential question is about the internet, I made a website all about RA using . The link is dmanayan[period]wix[period]com[slash]ra[dash]on[dash]the[dash]web. Replace [period] with a dot, [slash] with a slash (/), and [dash] with a hyphen (-). Yeah... apparently fanfiction is freaky about posting links now. This one-shot is part of my "promotion" portion of my product. After all, gotta make sure my product is effective and not a dry letter. I'm still figuring out how to view hits and stuff for my website, so if you guys could, leave me a comment on the _Contact _page of the site! This is what happens when I only have a week to gather data for my product to prove that it's being effective. :P

Of course, this one-shot has to be relevant for senior project, so expect the topic of rheumatoid arthritis being a major part of the story. I'm also obsessed with Vocaloids and pretty much this O/S is based off the storyline of _Acute_ (Miku, Kaito, and Luka) and its sequel _React_ (Miku, Rin, and Len). I recommend watching the PV's for the songs on YouTube to get the feel of what this fic will be about. Trust me, the PV's are amazing. Bella, Jasper, and Alice are based off Miku, Kaito, and Luka respectively. Edward and Rosalie (they won't appear until the next chapter) are based off Len and Rin. In _React_, Len and Rin are implied to be in a relationship, but for the way this one-shot will go, Edward and Rosalie will just be friends. You'll see why.

On that note, hope ya'll enjoy part one of my two-shot!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any Vocaloids. If I did, I would've wanted to see Twilight reinterpreted like a Vocaloid song.

* * *

We made the promise when I was nine.

Alice, Jasper, and I were at Jasper's house. Jasper told Alice and I he had a surprise waiting in his treehouse. We followed Jasper to the backyard and climbed the ladder up to the scarce treehouse. Except for a carpet, two pillows, and a few of our toys, the treehouse was more of a hideout than the house Jasper claims he wants it to be.

I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. Photos of the three of us hung on one side of the treehouse's wooden walls, arranged in the shape of a heart. I smiled when I spotted a photo of us and my older brother, Emmett, from the last Fourth of July.

"Why a heart?" Alice had asked.

"Because I love you and Bels. You two are the bestest friends a guy could ask for."

It was then I asked them to make me a promise. "Promise me we'll be together forever and be best friends for life."

"Even when we get married and have babies and stuff like that?" Alice questioned.

"Sure, Ali."

They loved the promise and agreed to it, even pinky-swearing like we always do when we make promises or tell secrets to each other.

It was our sacred promise. It was our way of ensuring I'd always have Alice and Jasper around.

I didn't think much of it then, but I never saw just how flaws my promise was.

~:~

I fell for Jasper when I was thirteen.

I didn't mean to. I always thought of Jasper like a second brother and disregarded classmates' rumors that Jasper and I would someday be a couple. He was my best friend, my rock, my anchor. I couldn't let a flimsy idea of falling in love with him ruin the tight knit I had with him and Alice.

"It had to be expected," Alice commented when I told her. "It always happens in movies. It was just a question of which one of us it was gonna be."

"So you're not mad?"

"Why would I?"

"This is Jas we're talking about. Won't it be weird when you look at him and know that I like him?"

"So you like him. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can't help who you fall for."

Alice was right. I couldn't help it. I could have fallen in love with anyone, yet I ended up falling for the boy I couldn't risk losing.

Love is like that sometimes.

~:~

Bliss began a few months later.

Jasper asked me if I wanted to go to the homecoming dance as his date. We just entered high school and Alice kept insisting we should make as many memories as possible.

"Alice's idea," Jasper said when he asked me during lunch while we waited for Alice. "I was thinking about asking you, but you said you didn't want to go unless you got a date."

"Didn't Maria ask you?"

"I told her no. I'd rather go with you."

My heart burst with happiness when I readily responded with a happy, but calm, "Yes." I didn't care that we were only going to the dance as friends. At least I was going with my crush. It was the one night I could believe Jasper wanted me romantically.

"I knew it!" Alice exclaimed when I told her about it after school. "We'll double date! It'll be so much fun!" James had asked her to the dance earlier that week and she accepted.

That weekend, Alice took me shopping to find dresses for the dance. It was the first time I was ever excited to go shopping.

On the night of the dance, Jasper showed up at the front door wearing a tux that took my breath away.

"You look... great," I managed to say. At fourteen, he was growing masculine features that made him perfect eye candy for all the other freshmen in school.

Jasper grinned. "You too. Green looks good on you." Green is Jasper's favorite color, hence why Alice and I spent hours finding a dress with a dark shade of green Jasper loved.

After posing for a few pictures for my parents, Jasper took my hand and rode in my parents' car to the dance, driven by my dad, the town's police chief.

Alice and James were waiting for us by the time we got to the school gym. They were making light talk next to the refreshments table.

We had fun throughout the night. We ate, drank punch (the non-spiked ones), and danced (more for Alice's sake). James tried to kiss Alice several times, but Alice kept laughing him off, saying things like "Later!" or "Not now!" In other words, she's saying no without sounding rude.

By the time Jasper and I were outside, waiting to be picked up, we were full of joy. Aside from James's buzzkill of wanting to get in Alice's pants (or, in this case, dress), it seemed as if the night was spent with just the three of us, like it should be. But we were growing up. We needed to learn how to accept other people in our little group.

We stood outside in comfortable silence. Jasper still held my hand, the side of my body lightly touching his. If anyone saw us like this, they'd think we're a couple.

I turned my head and looked up at Jasper. He looked like a prince straight out of a storybook, blond hair gleaming in the moonlight. It was another one of our moments, but one I wished would never end.

Jasper shifted his head so his crystal blue eyes stared directly at me. I stared at him back. It wasn't awkward, but there was a palpable tension, a tension that built up throughout the night. It was a good tension though. It was one of those tensions when a kiss happens afterward.

Which does.

For a first kiss, it was spontaneous and intense. He grabbed my face and pressed his lips down on mine. At first, I was surprised, but I didn't want it to end. So I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me.

My first kiss. With my best friend.

When I pulled away for air, I giggled.

"You've been holding out on me," I said in a breathless voice.

"Had to. You don't know how much I wanted to do that."

My cheeks flushed. Could it be what I think he's saying? "How long?"

"Since... last year? I don't know."

Last year... about the same time I started liking him. "Do you... do you like me?"

"You finally figured it out?"

"Wh... I liked you too!" I reached forward to swat his shoulder. "I thought you only liked me as a friend."

He shook his head. "I thought I did. But the more time I spent around you alone, I just... well... I saw you differently. I wanted you more than just a friend. I wanted to kiss you and loved the idea of it."

Damn.

How blind was I?

Very. And that would come back to haunt me later.

~:~

Needless to say, that first kiss was the first of many that came after. Soon, we were walking around school being Jasper _and _Bella instead of Jasper and Bella.

"You two need a ship name," Alice declared a few weeks after the dance. "Jalla. Or Besper." We stuck with Jalla,

Our high school lifestyle changed after that night. We still hung out together as a trio, but most times were spent hanging out in pairs. Jasper and I tried to tone down our PDA around Alice, but even I could sense the littlest lovely gestures between us made Alice uncomfortable. She became the third wheel, the label that neither I or her ever wanted to be.

"It's not a big deal," Alice reassured me when I brought the issue up. "I told you I was fine with you liking Jasper, so I shouldn't be selfish and be in the way of what's clearly meant to be."

Meant to be. Such a strong meaning those three words held.

~:~

The pain started when I was sixteen.

It was supposed to be another day of school, another day with Alice and Jasper. I was in English, my first class period for the semester. We were taking a test about the recent chapter of Macbeth.

In the middle of the test, I felt a sudden cramp in my left hand. I stifled a whimper as I put my mechanical pencil down and gripped my sore hand with my other hand. Closing my eyes, my eyes began to water as I tremors began to run through my body.

I didn't know why this was happening. This was the first time my hand ever felt like this. This morning, my hands felt a little weak, but I shook it off as the stress from all the writing I did the previous night for a history essay.

I should have known better than to assume I was fine.

_You're fine. _I try to convince myself, the pain not subsiding. _You're fine. You're fine. You're fine._

Biting the inside of my cheek, I picked up my pencil and resumed. Thankfully, the test was easy and I was focused enough on writing down my answers to ignore the intense throbbing of my unoccupied hand.

When I finished the test, proofreading to make sure I answered all the questions, I turned it in and ask Mrs. Cope if I could go to the health room.

"My hand is extremely sore," I told her, showing her my left hand. At that point, redness peaked from the muscles.

"Of course," Mrs. Cope replied, scrunching her eyebrows in concern. "Does it still feel sore?"

I nodded. "Very."

Once Mrs. Cope signs my planner, I grab my backpack and headed over to the health room.

"You need to get this checked out," Mrs. Arnie, the school nurse, told me when she checks my hand. Every time she pressed down onto the palm of my sore hand, I felt as if pinpricks of pain stabs my already sore hand muscles. "It could be infected, but it's best to let a physician take care of it."

I had no idea that my next trip to Dr. Cullen's would be more painful than the pain coming off from my hand.

~:~

I have a disease.

Rheumatoid arthritis.

Thinking about the name makes me sick. It doesn't help my case since I'm actually having a fever.

It had been a week since my appointment with Dr. Masen, a rheumatologist that Dr. Cullen recommended me to. Dr. Masen did several tests on me before he gave the official diagnosis.

"_Isabella Marie Swan, I'm sorry to inform that you have rheumatoid arthritis."_

This sucked. Big time.

I didn't have a fever because of something I ate or hypothermia from the cold weather in January. No, it came from my _disease_. Apparently, it's not uncommon for people with rheumatoid arthritis in its early stages to develop spontaneous fevers. It's a symptom, one that adds to the growing burden I have to carry for the rest of my life.

I hate my life.

The worst part? I couldn't tell Alice and Jasper about it. It's not like I'm banned from telling them. My parents tried to convince me several times to tell them about it.

"They are your friends. You heard what Dr. Masen told you. You need people to support you. I'm sure Alice and Jasper would understand" was what mom told me.

I wanted to tell them. I really did. They deserved to know and we promised to always tell each other everything.

But I can't.

At least not yet.

~:~

"Bella!" Alice practically tackled me as soon as she saw me walk through the school gates. "You're okay!"

I chuckled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You were sick! Of course I was worried! Your mom wouldn't let me see you till you got better."

_If only you knew why. _I didn't want them to see me like that, all weak and vulnerable. I was afraid they'd be able to tell I was hiding something from them.

When Alice pulls away, I patted her head. For a girl that was four feet, eleven inches, she could give strong hugs. "Well, I'm fine now. I'm just as happy to see you guys."

"Me too." Jasper headed over to me and kissed my cheek. "You up for a movie later?"

"Sure," I answered with a grin. "Just us?"

He took my hand in his. "Just us." He leans over and draped an arm over my shoulder.

At that moment, I felt satisfied. A secret still loomed over my head, but I'd deal with it later. I have the best boyfriend and best friend in the world.

Over the peripheral of my vision, I could swear Alice looked at Jasper and I with a sad expression.

~:~

Something didn't feel right.

Alice and I were in the library during lunch, working on essays for our separate English classes on the library's desktop computers.

"Ali?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Not here though. After school at my house."

Alice pursed her lips. "Ooh... I can't."

"How come?"

"Vanessa. I promised her I'd study with her for our trig chapter test."

"Oh." My face fell. "Another time, okay?"

"Okay. Why? What do you want to tell me?"

I shrugged, looking back at the computer screen. "It can wait. I wanted you and Jas around for what I'm supposed to tell you."

"You can't tell me, then Jas? Or Jas, then me?"

I shook my head. "No. It has to be both of you. It's... well... it's a big deal for me. It's something that you two need to know."

"If it's a big deal, I can cancel on Vanessa..."

"No! I mean, you already told her you'd study with her. I don't want to interfere with your plans."

"But-"

"No buts bestie. I can tell you and Jas later."

She sighed. "Fine."

That wasn't the first time Alice canceled on me when I attempted to find a way to tell her and Jasper I have RA. A few days ago, she and Jasper had to finish their powerpoint for an assignment they were doing for Chemistry. Yesterday, when I tried to tell Jasper first before Alice, he canceled on me to babysit his little sister, Lucy.

At that point, almost a month since my diagnosis, I was desperate to tell them. I couldn't keep my disease a secret from theme forever. The longer I put it off, the more I hypothetically felt my secret was eating away my conscience.

How much longer did I have to wait?

~:~

"Happy Valentine's Day!" I leaned forward and pecked Jasper's lips.

He smiled. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Third one together."

"Uh-huh."

We held hands as we walked to school. It felt nice to spend Valentine's Day with someone for the last three years. I only wish Alice could feel the same way.

"By the way-" Jasper started swinging our joined hands. "After school, come to the treehouse. I have a surprise for you."

"Don't you always. What is it?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise!"

I laughed. Every year since Jasper and I started dating, Jasper always had a nice surprise waiting for me. In our freshmen year, he kept it simple with a red rose and a small white teddy bear holding a ring. That ring became a promise ring, where Jasper promised me I'd always be his number one girl, outside of his family. In sophomore year, he went a bit bigger with a mason jar with candied hearts and a brown teddy bear holding a heart with _I Heart U _etched on it. That was the Valentine's Day when we said "I love you" to each other for the first time. "Fair enough."

When I got to the treehouse after school, holding hands with Jasper like we did that morning, his Valentine's Day surprise was something unforgettable. It was certainly unique.

"A CD?" I said with a squeal. I almost sounded like Alice. On the back were 15 songs that were on the CD. Every single one of the songs are ones on my _Favorites _playlist on my iPod.

"I didn't want to be cheesy, but I remember you told me once that you wished you had a CD that had all your favorite songs on it."

"I could've burned one for myself, you know."

"You could. But where's the fun in that?" Jasper moved over with a box of chocolates. "Want some?"

I rolled my eyes. "Duh." I picked up a piece of heart-shaped chocolate and dunked it in my mouth.

"So... you like it?"

"Are you kidding? You could've just played me a song on your monster guitar and it still would've been a great present." I glanced over at his acoustic guitar lying on a pillow in a corner across the treehouse.

That was when I noticed the drawing.

I stood up and crawled over to a lone drawing hanging above his guitar. It was a sketch of Alice. "What's this?"

"Oh that." He moved to sit beside me and eyed it with fondness. "Alice drew it for her drawing and painting class. She was working on it here for a self-portrait assignment and forgot to take it with her. When I went to give it back to her, she already drew another one. She wanted me to keep this one."

"When was this?"

"Couple months ago. Can't really remember. I wish she turned in this one. Mrs. Greene would've loved it." She would have. The sketching technique, the shading, every line on that drawing screamed perfection. Alice made it look exactly like... well, herself.

It was believable. Had it not been for that drawing, it would have been the perfect Valentine's Day. We didn't fight, but something about the sketch made me feel uncomfortable. Alice drew me a lot of things before, but never a sketch of herself. That should have been something saved for a boyfriend, if she had one.

I didn't say anything. I just basked in the moment and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with Jasper in the treehouse. It would have been the fitting time to tell Jasper I have rheumatoid arthritis. I was getting tired of secretly doing yoga routines, gulping down herbal drinks mom makes for me every weekend, taking a bunch of medications, and icing my hands to dull the pain.

But I didn't. I couldn't, not unless Alice was here. It wouldn't be fair to keep her in the dark.

Again, how much longer?

~:~

It started to make sense.

I was out for a jog on a afternoon Saturday two weeks after Valentine's Day. Alice and Jasper still didn't know. I was growing tired of them not being available at the same time to tell them. The only times they ever seemed they didn't have other plans was on the phone at night. It didn't seem right for the news to be over the phone when they didn't live too far away from my house.

Jogging helped me stray away the stress that RA gives me. After a jog around a few blocks, by the time I returned home, my body felt energized. Dr. Masen said exercising helps to keep joints flexible.

I passed by Jasper's house. I contemplated dropping by for a couple hours before heading back home. I used to do this often in middle school, but I didn't do it as often once we reached high school. Jasper slept in on the weekends. Being student class president for our class can be stressful.

I was about to run up to his door when something stopped me in my tracks.

Alice's yellow Porsche.

It was here. In broad daylight.

Why was it here?

I wouldn't have thought nothing of it if it wasn't for the fact that Alice told me yesterday that she was hanging out with Leah, Claire, and Emily at the mall on Saturday. Those three girls are close friends of ours and sometimes hangs out with Jasper, Alice, and I during lunch, just like how Angela and Jessica is for me and Peter and Charlotte is for Jasper.

Alice made it clear she was going to hang out with Leah, Claire, and Emily. So why would she be at Jasper's?

I needed to be sure.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Emily's number.

Emily immediately picked up. "Hello?" I could hear giggles in the background.

"Hi, Emily. It's Bella. Is Alice there with you?"

"Uh... no. Why?"

"Did she leave already?"

"What do you mean?"

I was confused. "Ali told me she was hanging out with you, Leah, and Claire today."

"No she didn't. Claire did ask if Alice wanted to come, but she said no. Said something about having plans with you."

"Oh..."

"I assume you two didn't have plans?"

I frowned. "Not at all. Thanks for the heads up."

"No probs."

When the call ends, I was close to blowing a fuse. Alice lied. She never lied to me. The last time she lied was when she took me crayons when we were eight and lied and said Jasper had them. It was one of the few times I ever remember fighting with Jasper over something stupid.

Why would Alice say she was hanging out with other friends instead of being here with Jasper? If she was hanging out with Jasper, she'd never hide it from me. I didn't care. Even though Jasper is my boyfriend, Alice is still my best friend and I'd never keep her away from her best friend. Jasper is important to Alice, just as he's important to me, boyfriend or not.

Then it hit me, the worst case scenario.

_It couldn't be. _Refusing to break down in the middle of the street, I turned and jogged in the direction back home.

Could it be? Could it be...? Alice and Jasper...?

I've heard too many cheating stories around school. It happens too much for me to keep up with. Leah's little brother, Seth, was a victim with his six-month girlfriend that hooked up with a guy she met at a party.

Cheating was a universal thing, but I never thought it could ever happen between me and Jasper. Jasper is honest to me. I'd known him since I was little and know that he'd tell me everything, no matter how embarrassing it is. If anything, once we started dating, Jasper seemed _more _honest with me than we were as friends.

Alice and Jasper.

I shook my head. It's not possible. They're best friends. Nothing more. Alice would never steal Jasper away from me. She told me Jasper and I are meant to be! If she wanted Jasper, she would have went for him before Jasper and I became a couple.

_But what if?_

What if she did want Jasper? What if she does have feelings for him? What if Jasper wants Alice too and they're already together behind my back?

_But don't you trust them?_

Of course I do. Trust is everything in our friendship. It's why we're best friends forever.

_But what if you're trusting them too much?_

Am I? I can't be. I poke my nose in their business when I have to without being rude.

Ugh. I shouldn't be thinking about this. Jasper can't be cheating on me. Maybe Alice has a reason for lying to me. It's not right to assume.

Is it?

~:~

_Are they or aren't they?_

I twisted Jasper's promise ring in my hand, anxiety filling my lungs. Raindrops pounded on the glass of the window. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's only a few hours since my jog and my conscience can't stop thinking about all the possibilities.

Placing the ring on my bedside drawer, I drop to the floor and start doing my daily nightly yoga routine.

_Alice and Jasper_.

I tried to picture them together, then shake the thought out of my head. It's a horrible image. Alice and Jasper kissing. Alice and Jasper holding hands. Alice and Jasper going to prom together. Alice and Jasper doing more than PG-13 things on a bed.

It's sickening.

I'm also overthinking this.

The three of us have that one flaw that overtakes us. For Jasper, it's being too engrossed in writing the perfect song that he'll ignore eating anything until he finishes the song. For Alice, it's trying to sketch a single image and tearing through pages off her sketchbook multiple times until she has the perfect sketch. For me, it's worrying too much that I overthink things and make stupid decisions.

Like now.

For all I know, I'm being paranoid and Alice could just be at Jasper's house to play video games with him. Alice tended to be self-conscious about playing video games on Jasper's x-box one without me around. It's about not feeling the same when we're not sharing our competitive moments together.

There's one way to make sure I'm not being paranoid.

Taking a deep breath, I untangled my limbs from my yoga position and dialed Alice's number. If she's still at Jasper's house, then something suspicious has to be going on.

She doesn't answer immediately, but when she does, the first thing I heard was breathing.

"H-Hello?" Alice stuttered out.

I said nothing.

"Alice," I heard Jasper whispered. "Who is it?"

_I was right._

I heard movement, then more breathing, like someone's breath on someone's neck.

"Hello?" Alice tried again. "Bella?"

I finally spoke. "You," I growled. "You lied."

I heard a gasp, then a bang. She must have dropped her phone.

I ended the call. It all makes sense. I should have known better than to doubt myself.

_Why?_

They promised. Best friends forever.

Another thing about overthinking: I get impulsive. So, without thinking, I grab my phone and my umbrella from my closet, rush out my room, change into shoes near the front door, and head outside. I don't care about the rain. I just have to know.

Is it true?

Most likely it is.

Jasper's house is not far from mine. It's only a few blocks away. In the midst of my anger, it makes sense why Alice could be at Jasper's house at eight PM. He told me his parents were working late for the weekend, so he had the house to himself (Lucy was spending the weekend at a friend's house). It was the perfect opportunity for Alice to be alone with Jasper, no parents or little sister or best friend there to bother them.

Umbrella shielding the top of my head, tears begin to brim my eyes. How could they do this to me? My two best friends, out of all people! Jasper said he loves me. Alice said she supports our relationship one hundred percent.

It's Alice's fault. It has to be. She was probably the one that developed feelings for Jasper and went for him. She probably seduced Jasper and he couldn't resist her charm. No one can ever resist Alice.

_It was all your wrongdoing._

Where were the signs? Jasper never gave an indication that he wanted to break up. If he did, he would have done it as soon as he knew we weren't right for each other anymore. Every time the three of us were together, Jasper always looked at me with affection. Sure, he gave Alice just as much attention as he does for me, but isn't that friends do? Just because we're in a relationship doesn't mean we disregard the girl that has our backs.

I can't let this happen. There's no way I'd let Jasper end up with Alice.

She betrayed me. It's her fault.

The bottom of my shoes are soaked by the time I reach Jasper's house. The door is locked, so I kneeled and felt for the spare house key under the _Welcome _mat. I leave my umbrella outside once I unlocked the front door.

_Oh god._

They were on the couch, kissing, all over each other, half-dressed.

I was interrupting a moment.

A moment that shouldn't exist.

~:~

That's how I find myself here, in Jasper's house, witnessing my best friend and my boyfriend in the middle of flagranti.

In an instant, memories I had with Alice and Jasper died away.

"Are you kidding me?" I shouted.

Alice squeaked and grabs her abandoned shirt on the floor. "Bella, I can explain."

I glared at her. "No. You don't need to explain. I've seen enough."

"Bella-" Jasper started.

"And you!" I pointed at him. "If you didn't want to be with me anymore, why didn't you say anything?"

"It's not that simple-"

"BULLSHIT!" I stalked over to them, ignoring the trail of water my shoes is bringing. "Tell me. Right now. How long has this been happening?"

Silence filled the air for a few seconds before Alice responded. "One year?"

"One year? Seriously?" I'm fighting hard not to yell at them. "This was going on for one year and I had absolutely no idea?"

"The clues were everywhere!" Alice exclaimed. "I made it so obvious that you'd have to be blind not to see them!"

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"My self portrait at the treehouse."

"Yeah yeah. Your portrait. What about it?" A feeling of dread reached my stomach.

"Alice never did it for her drawing and painting class," Jasper confessed. "She drew it for me. It was a Christmas present."

"I wrote something on the back of it too," Alice added. "But you probably never saw it."

I didn't. But I can already imagine what sort of words Alice would write on it.

"And that thing you've been meaning to tell me and Jas... what is it?"

My eyes whipped to Alice, then Jasper. My secret. I never told them. And now, when I found them together on a couch the three of us have sat on numerous times, were the three of us actually together for once outside of school since my diagnosis. Why now, when I'm incredibly pissed off?

"Seriously? You want to know?" Why should I tell them now in a moment of betrayal?

"I want to know," Jasper said softly.

"Of course you do. You both do. But now can I when you two were never around! Do you know how long I had to face this alone? Do you know how many times mom told me to just tell you two already?"

"Just tell us already!" the two of them shout in unison.

So I do, because when else would I be able to?

"I have rheumatoid arthritis." I hold out my hands to them. "I didn't go to the health room that day because I didn't feel well. I went because my hands felt sore. I had to go to the doctor after school and went through so many tests with a rheumatologist until I was diagnosed."

Guilt passed through their eyes. My secret is out, exposed to their betraying faces.

"Rheumatoid arthritis?" Jasper murmured.

Alice kept shaking her head back and forth. "Oh my gosh..."

"Yes. O. M. G. This is why I wanted to tell you. Six months. Six months I couldn't look you two in the eye and tell you the truth."

"Bella..."

"Don't Bella me!" I walked closer to Jasper until we are inches away from each other. Looking at his face, full of remorse and overwhelming guilt, made the tears I held back in the rain spill. "Why?"

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered. "I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell Alice, but she wouldn't let me. She didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"Feelings my ass," I spatted. "I can't believe you fell for her charm."

"He didn't fall for anything," Alice interjected. "I told him how I felt and he told me that he's always had feelings for me. But being with you... his feelings for you are real. He just loves me more."

I continue staring at Jasper. Alice's words bothered me. She has no right to say how Jasper feels about me!

"Then answer me." I leaped into Jasper's arms, tears staining his bare chest. He instinctively puts his arms around my shoulders. Whenever he sees me cry, he resorts to being like a parent and comforts me, just like this. "I want you to answer me right here, right now. Who do you love more?"

I thought Jasper would hesitate with his response, but doesn't.

"I'm sorry," he said again, his own blue eyes watering. The arms that are around me released me and wrapped around Alice. "Alice was right. I've always loved her more. I love you, but it's not enough. You can't give me what Alice can."

"And what is that?"

"The unknown. You're too safe. You make me feel grounded, but sometimes being anchored is too much for me. Alice... she gives me a reason to fight. She makes me feel _free_."

_Free._

I'm not enough for him.

He never loved me, at least the way I wanted him to be. In his eyes, he still sees me as his best friend, the _anchor_.

All of it was a lie.

_He doesn't love you._

_She betrayed you._

_What kind of best friends do I have?_

"Best friends forever, huh?" I said bitterly. I stood up and back away from them. "Best friends forever. This is how we're best friends, huh? Being backstabbers and not telling me straight to my face. Not being around for me when I was supposed to tell you something that's actually killing me!"

My line of vision trails to a pair of scissors on a shelf.

_Better him than me._

"Some best friend and boyfriend I have." I grabbed the scissors. "If I can't have him, then no one can."

What happens next is a blur.

"I will steal everything from you," I hissed.

I lurched forward and aimed the sharp point of the scissors toward Jasper.

It hits him squarely on the chest.

There's a scream. Alice perhaps. Jasper's eyes go wide in shock, his body slumping on the couch. Blood trickles from his chest to his hips.

I'm breathing hard. I'm still angry. But through my foggy thoughts, my mind comprehends what I just did.

_You killed your boyfriend._

"What did I do?" I whispered to myself. Jasper, my childhood best friend and the one boy I ever loved, is dying. Maybe he's already dead.

"Jasper!" Alice is sobbing, shaking Jasper's body. "Stay with me, Jas! Don't you dare leave me!"

_I'm a monster._

A murderer.

What have I done?

The scissors are still in my hand. Maybe there's a way to still fix the damage.

_RA was going to kill you anyway._

"I'm sorry." It's directed to both Alice and Jasper.

Alice turned to look at me. Her eyes shift from grief to horror as she watching me inch the bloody sharp end of the scissors toward my neck. "No." She gets off the couch. "I'm not going to let you do this!"

"Too late." With a small smile, I jab the scissors to the side of my neck.

Death has never felt so good.

* * *

So... yeah. In _Acute_, Miku killed herself and Kaito with a knife that she brought, but I wanted it to be interesting and chose the scissors instead. It is possible, right? As for Jasper, well... you'll just have to see in the next chapter. Just watch the PV's for Acute and React. Spoil yourself silly, because the first time I watched _React_, I was surprised by the song's plot. You'll notice that I used a couple of the English translated lines from _Acute _for this part.

I'm not an expert in RA, which is why I tried to keep it referenced in the fic in a minimum. I wanted to focus more on the plot than the disease itself. Tbh, this was totally last minute and I finished this in a week. This would've been longer, but I wanted to save the rest of the story in the next part.

Once again, here's the link to my SP website: dmanayan[period]wix[period]com[slash]ra[dash]on[dash]the[dash]web. I based off the info from what I researched from textbooks, internet databases, and advice from my mentor (he's a certified rheumatologist). Feel free to leave a comment for the website and tell me what I need to improve on!

Till part 2,

~ AA


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